It makes sense that friends of friends are a mine of potential dates as this is likely to be a good way to meet people who are at a similar stage in life to you and share many of the same interests and values. It can also mean that they’ve gone through a ‘vetting’ procedure to become a friend – that they definitely are who they say they are and they’re probably solvent and have all of their own teeth. But beware as it’s very easy to assume that two people with a strong mutual connection will have lots in common, whereas the reality can be very different.
If you spot a friend of a friend who grabs your attention and might be interested in you, then by all means talk to your mutual pal and get a sense of what this other person is like, whether they’re in a relationship or not and if there might be potential there. Listen carefully to what your friend says and how they say it, as they’re likely to have a strong opinion on the matter. Firstly, because they know far more about this person – their likes and dislikes, their relationship history and what they’re like as a friend – but also because people can find it strange and even threatening when two friends of theirs get it together. If you get negative vibes, then proceed with caution to get a sense of whether they genuinely think that approaching this person would be a mistake for you or whether the reaction is more personal. There might be some romantic or emotional attachment that makes them loath to line up a date for you.
If you get the green light, then it’s still wise to tread carefully. Starting a relationship with a friend of a friend, even in the most casual manner, is a potential minefield and you assume far more responsibility towards your potential date and your mutual friend than you would if you were dating a random person. Remember that your behaviour reflects on your friend as well as yourself. Play it safe and slow by trying to engineer a meeting with your object of desire in an intimate setting or small group where you can get to know them a little and test the waters – maybe a dinner party or something similar. This will be easier and more casual than requesting to be set up on a blind date.
Ending a dating relationship with a friend of a friend
It’s a little presumptuous to offer advice on how to win and lose friends of friends on the same page, but it’s worth thinking about breaking up before you start just to make sure that you realise the consequences of dating friends of friends. Remember that if the other person thinks that you’ve behaved badly, then your friendship could be damaged and others may take sides. Whether the relationship ends mutually or in a one-sided fashion, then it’s likely that you’re going to bump into this person in the future. Imagine all those parties and occasions trying to avoid them or finding yourself not on the guest list to avoid making someone uncomfortable. As long as you bear this in mind, then make the most of this opportunity and grab this single with both hands.
And if you find that you’ve ‘exhausted’ your friends’ contacts and tend to socialise with the same group of people all the time , then make an effort to catch up with friends and colleagues from the past – it’s another easy way to change your routine and make new connections.