Whether you’re face-to-face on a first date or still at the online chatting stage, there’s always a fact or two that you feel nervous about bringing into the conversation. Online banter is a good way to get a sense of the other person and start to know them – this will help you to build up a connection if you are worried about telling them something before you meet them.
The best way to gauge when you should reveal information is to follow the other person’s lead in terms of openness, or if you think that you are forming a serious bond and think you should be up front about something. Things that could affect a long-term relationship or could be viewed as a deal-breaker should be aired early in the relationship so that the other person doesn’t find out by any other means and treat your silence on the subject as a breach of trust. The manner in which information about your past becomes known is often as significant as the details themselves.
Volunteering the information is good – it leaves you able to control when and how to tell the other person – you can inform them at an appropriate moment and explain properly if need be. Blurting it out as you think they might have guessed is not much fun for either of you. If you’re concerned about the consequences of telling someone early in a relationship, then it’s good to say this. Tell the other person that you’re worried that it might put them off but that you want to be honest and open with them.
What sorts of things should you state from the beginning? Here are a few of the subjects that should be revealed sooner rather than later:
If your status is unclear, you need to make it clear. Whether you’re informally or formally separated, then the other person deserves to know. If you find that it’s very off-putting to potential dates, then perhaps you need to think about whether this is even the right time to be looking for a relationship.
This is one of those issues that you need to air first. It shouldn’t be a dealbreaker, but if it is then you’re saving yourself potential issues later on. As many relationships begin online, it’s easier to give this sort of information up front so that people know what they’re getting into.
If this is relevant to you, then it should be made clear to your date earlier rather than later.
If you’re going to have sex, then you should be able to talk responsibly about taking precautions and sexual health practices. If you’re not happy to have this type of conversation yet, then let’s face it you shouldn’t really be having sex at all. There’s plenty of time for great sex in a good relationship so don’t rush in without caution.