Flirting is easy. Basic fact. There are hundreds of books and websites about flirting, and you can even hire flirting coaches and gurus to help you ‘learn’ how to flirt. But it’s not actually difficult. Nor does it require special skills. So, what is flirting and how can you make it part of your dating success story?
What is Flirting
People often thinking that flirting is the bit where you have funny, sexy banter with someone that you find sexually attractive. ‘Flirting’ can also have certain negative associations – ‘S/he’s a flirt,’ is generally not a nice thing to say about someone. Flirting is a little more subtle than that, though. It’s really about attracting positive attention by making someone else feel special and good about themselves. In return, they tend to think you’re a person of exceptional taste and wisdom and that makes them rather like you and want to spend more time with you. It can be as obvious as you making it clear that you’d like to spend some naked time with them. But actually, some of the most successful people you know are those who ‘flirt’ with their friends, family and work colleagues, people who ‘charm’ their way through life and find it easy to make those around them feel special and loved. That’s flirting too – and it’s one of the most effective social skills that we can learn. And it‘s fun too.
There’s lots of information about flirting on this website – you can pick up tips about body language, tips and tricks and how to change your flirting style according to the occasion – but here’s a few pointers to make you a master flirt from the bedroom to the boardroom:
This is the most important part of your flirting persona. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you’ll not convince anyone else to feel good about you or be taken seriously when you lay on the full flirting magic. This is why you have the best nights out when you make an effort and know that you look good. It’s much easier to sidle up to a girl and try it on with her when you know that you’re looking your best.
Using body language is a major part of successful flirting. It’s about using a range of subtle tricks to make the other person subconsciously aware that you like/appreciate them. Try leaning into them or consciously moving slightly closer to them than convention normally allows – touching them slightly if possible. Then use eye contact to make sure that they know that you are very interested in who they are and what they are saying. Touching yourself, such a your hair, straightening your clothes, licking your lips are all flirty ‘tells’. [How to Tell if They Like You] teaches you more body language signals to suggest how interested you are. (Obviously this is not when you’re practising your flirting technique on your boss.)
Watch the experts
We all know someone who’s an outrageous flirt. And boy, do they make you feel good about yourself even if you know that it’s how they behave with everyone and that they’re definitely not romantically interested in you. Watch what they do next time you’re around them and pick up some tips – look at the way they walk and talk and what they say to people.
Flattery and listening well
Showing someone that you are interested in what they are saying is underrated. Far too often in conversation, people concentrate on talking about themselves or their own experiences – trying to be witty and funny. Whereas, if you practice your listening skills and try mirroring the other person’s language, it’s surprising how much encouragement you will give to people. They’ll immediately warm to you and see you as someone with whom they are connecting and who ‘understands’ them.
Leave them panting
And finally, flirting is about being a tease – not in a bad way, but in the sense that you are very suggestive but skirt round the main question. Showing a bit of flesh and hinting at how much fun you can be is a surefire plan to lure in your target.