When to Get in Touch After a First Date

Kate Friday 18 January

Generally, there's no such thing as being too keen after a first date. Certainly don't follow the 'rules' book and keep them waiting for a response - it's not fair and it's not going to help you if you're hoping they will agree to a second date. It’s easier these days to follow up on a first date – a few decades ago, there was just a landline phone to make a nervous phone call in the hope that they would pick up. Now it’s much easier to drop them an instant casual message or make contact via Twitter, facebook, or some other form of social media.

 

Dos

  • If you're a guy, then it might be a nice thing to drop them a text to check that they got home safe and to reiterate that you had a lovely evening. This is an easy invite to them to respond in kind and give you an idea of whether or not they might like to meet again. Plus it'll send them to bed thinking of you...

 

  • Get in touch the next day - preferably before midday to say hi and thanks. You can then steer the conversation towards another meeting if that's what you would like to happen. Or if not, then it's good to say thanks but no thanks in a civil and timely manner.

 

  • If you ended up staying the night together, then gauge how to play it after you part by the mood when you left. If the morning after the night before seemed a little tense, then there's no harm in getting in touch within the next 24 hours to see if the other person wants to see you again. Make sure that your tone is positive and friendly but not overbearing.

 

Don'ts

 

  • Don't wait too long to get in touch. It's not being cool - it's likely to make them think that you didn't have a great time or that you're too busy to be bothered to get in touch. Neither are good options.

 

  • Don't sit on the fence when you do get in touch. It's not down to the other person to make you feel wanted, it's only fair to be up front and take the risk that you might get a negative response. If that makes you nervous, then reply in a lighthearted fashion, but don’t make them do all the running.

 

  • Don’t call them when you’re drunk. We’ve all done it – been out with mates a day or two after a great date and decided that a late-night call to say hello is a brilliant idea, maybe all of your friends would like to say hello too. It isn’t a good idea and you will most definitely regret it when you can walk straight again.

 

What to say

If you haven’t heard from them, you want your phone call or message to tell them that you had a good time with them and that you’d like to do it again. It’s that simple. You could add a funny little reference to something you talked about to add a little humour if you like. If you’re feeling particularly brave, then why not give them an option for date two to think about – something like ‘I was planning on going to see [some movie/band] at the weekend if you fancy joining me?’ It’s easy for them to make an excuse if they want to, but if they’re interested they’ll either say a massive yes or say that they can’t do that but suggest another day/option. And you will know where you stand too. Phew.